Choosing to live in the campo in Spain meant having to get used to all the creepy crawlies. Learning to live with the ‘Hard Dude!’Wasps that go and fetch their mates and then come back mob handed after you have taken a swipe at them. The VERY VERY large spiders that feel the urge to commit suicide in your pool, the maggots that infest  your bin overnight, the snakes, the dangerous caterpillars, the ticks, the fleas, the ants!!

Normally that’s not a big problem for me. Snakes are removed from the garden with the BBQ tongs. Spiders, if still alive, are splattered into oblivion with either a flip-flop or if needs be a garden spade. Wasps are treated to a furious hubby charging around the garden like a mad man with a can of Wasp Killer and Processionary Caterpillars and Ant hills or holes are dowsed in paint thinners and burnt alive. Ha!!

So imagine my nightmare this morning as I realised I was living a Stephen King novel. There I was sitting on the sofa in my skimpies, supping at my first cup of tea for the day and having my breakfast – a fag, when I felt a little tickle on my leg. I didn’t look down, just flicked my hand across the area thinking it was a fly. A couple of minutes later another little tickle and another flick. Gradually the tickling got worse and the area more wide spread making me look down at what the problem was.

And  ‘OH MY GOD!!’ ‘ SCREAM!!!’ ‘JUMP UP!!’ ‘ SCREAM AGAIN’. Crawling all over me were hundreds and hundreds of tiny weenie little ants. ‘Oh YES!!’ HUNDREDS OF THEM!!!!. GAZILLIONS OF THEM!!  Nightmare!! Bring in the Sandman!!

Running, screaming, flicking, slapping, more slapping. Oh, it all happened in my living room this morning, believe me. Eventually hubby grabbed my arm, shoved me into the shower cubical and hosed me down.  (Funny how he seemed to enjoy that part).

Anyhow, bedraggled and with a slight nervous tick now affecting my left eye, I inspected the moving sofa to see the extent of the infestation and what might have caused it.

It turns out the offending culprit was a rotten fruit that puppy had decided to bring in from the garden and play with on the sofa. Lovely!!

Of course, my normal reaction would be to ‘NUKE THE LOT OF THEM!!’ but I like my sofa, so it is in the garden at the moment with a plate of jam sitting close by. I am hoping all the ants will leave the sofa and go over to the jam.  See, I can be kind.

Hubbie says ‘Yeah, right!!!!”

 

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